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Curiosity II

Yesterday we held a workshop on the subject of Advanced Questioning. In this workshop, one of the things we did was to highlight the need for questions through an exercise. Provided with a scenario, a mediator listened to a client talk about their conflict, but the mediator was not allowed to ask any questions. The exercise itself did not just prove the need for questions, but highlighted the varied reasons why questions can be helpful. But something else emerged from the feedback after that exercise. Several learners commented on how awkward it felt, how being a mediator they are used to asking open questions and as an exercise it felt strange. One of them said “I’m naturally curious and this exercise stopped me from being curious”

I know that I have written before about curiosity and its part in the role of a mediator, but this reflective comment yesterday reminded me how important having that curiosity is in the work of mediation. One of the essential starting points for curiosity, is accepting that we do not know everything. In our mediation training sometimes I say - and I know that this sounds very odd to the ear - that we do not know what we do not know. So often in life and conversations we are faced with choices - choices of what to ask, how to ask and when to ask a question. And often we choose where those gaps in information are, where those areas or topics we need to explore are.

The reality, however, is that often we do not know what it is that we do not know. In other words there may be whole areas or topics that have not been mentioned by the client that would be really helpful to explore. An experienced mediator will recognise that and, through curiosity, ask open questions to bring out those feelings, those reflections, that information.

In my previous blog I think I said how I feel that I have always been a curious child. After yesterday’s workshop I reflected that part of the appeal of mediation for me is that it gives the mediator permission to be curious, to ask questions that explore the wider picture, that help build the bigger context. In doing so, the mediator can develop their understanding of the conflict and identify where it sits in the client’s experience, and begin to tease out the underlying needs of the client.